View Full Version : Family Feud II

Ember Nickel
August 29th, 2005, 05:05 PM
(This spoilerizes parts of "Lord Brocktree", "Martin the Warrior", "Mossflower", "Mattimeo", "Pearls of Lutra", and "Taggerung".)

Announcer: Hello all and welcome to the second round of Family Feud. Today the Warrior Mice, winners of the-er-exciting last round, will be facing the Badger Dynasty.
Mattimeo: Hey, how come they got a bye?
Tess Churchmouse: Who cares? We’re here and so are they.
Mattimeo: Yes, but my poor brain is fatigued after the last round.
Tim Churchmouse: Runs in the family.
Announcer: First question is-er-hold on a minute…*runs over and whispers something to Brocktree.*
Brocktree: I’m your man, er, badger.
Mattimeo: He’s cheating! He’s giving them the answers.
Cornflower: Matthias Methuselah Mortimer, I’m-
Mattimeo: Don’t call me that!
Matthias: Okay, Matti-
Mattimeo: AAAAUGH!
Martin II: Hey, look at it this way. You’re a roundly developed character with strengths and weaknesses.
Barkstripe: Yeah, it’s easy to be an optimist when there’s no wildcat trying to take you over.
Tess Churchmouse: Well, I dunno…after that last round…
Matthias: It’s okay, I’m good friends with Squire Julian. So what’s the first question already?
Announcer: First question: Saddest deaths. And it goes to the Warrior Mice.
Tess Churchmouse: Oooh! Oooh! That bird who got herself killed trying to save us.
Tim: *groans*
Announcer: Show me…Warbeak!
*not up there*
Voice from Offstage: I have been doing research into the theory of why characters in multiple books, such as Warbeak and Cregga, don’t attract as much sympathy as some characters in a singular book, such as-
Announcer: That’s your cue, Boar.
Boar: *charges offstage in a fit of Bloodwrath*
Martin II: Someone want to tell me what that’s all about?
Announcer: It throws off the timing of the show when I go to attempt to kill Zigu. So I’m hiring Brocktree to do it for me.
Stonepaw: Hey, what about me?
Boar: No offense, but when you tried to kill vermin you wound up taking yourselves with them.
Stonepaw: So did you.
Boar: You didn’t hear me volunteering. Anyhow, Brocktree actually took down the main villain, which is more than you can say.
Stonepaw: Well, Trunn could have been saved, but someone passed up the opportunity.
Tess Churchmouse: What-Trunn is dead? I just saw him last round.
Annnouncer: Ah, the wonder of temporal physics.
Stonepaw: …which goes to show, love others.
Bella: Of course! *kisses Barkstripe*
Sunflash: Blech! I’m never falling in love.
Rawnblade: *disappears*
Matthias: Where did that badger go?
Voice from Offstage: It’s a simple relativistic paradox. When Sunflash claimed he would never fall in love, that negated the fact that he did, and ultimately became not just a father, but a great-grandfather. Hence Rawnblade’s disappearance.
Announcer: Brocktree? A little help here?
Brocktree: *comes in, panting* Sorry, sir.
Announcer: Ergh! Okay, so, back to saddest deaths with the Warrior Mice. Any guesses?
Tim Churchmouse: Laterose of Noonvale.
*63 points*
Announcer: Good job. Next?
Martin II: The Holt Lutra family?
*no points*
Mattimeo: Slagar?
Tim Churchmouse: Why Slagar?
Mattimeo: Because I didn’t get to kill him.
Matthias: We’ve been through this before. You’re supposed to be mature at this point.
Mattimeo: No I’m not. Slagar.
*no points*
Announcer: Now the Badger Dynasty gets a chance to steal.
(The next five responses all come at the same time.)
Stonepaw: Me.
Barkstripe: Me.
Boar: Me.
Bella: Barkstripe.
Sunflash: Skarlath.
Announcer: Um…okay. Well, I guess you guys are going with “Me”, but I’m not dead.
Zigu (entering): Yet. *chases announcer offstage*