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Ember Nickel
September 24th, 2005, 02:50 PM
Cornflower (riding in a cart): Aren’t you the cutest little babies…
Tim and Tess Churchmouse: Gloober glug gluggy.
Constance: Hey, are there a bunch of menacing rats hidden off to the side?
Killconey: As me auld mother would say, sure and if our cover isn’t blown.
Cluny: Attack!
Rats attack, and rudely enslave Cornflower and Constance.
Cornflower: Tim! Tess! Go tell Matthias to come help.
Tim and Tess toddle off.
Constance: You’re entrusting our fate to two babies?
Cornflower: Hey, I’m a stereotypical helpless female with no ability to rescue myself.
Constance: Good point.

Back at Redwall…

Matthias: Hello Tim and Tess.
Tim and Tess: Gloober glug gluggygoo.
Matthias: Same to you.
Methuselah: Actually, they’re telling us that Cornflower has fallen into the hands of a bunch of evil rats.
Matthias: Hands?
Methuselah: Fine, paws.
Matthias: Should I go on a foolishly brave quest to rescue her?
Methuselah: Oh yes.
Matthias leaves, and comes across Basil.
Basil: Oh hello good chap! I’m Basil Falcon Hare. Remarkable creatures, falcons, dontcha think?
Matthias: Uh…
Basil: Oh hold on one bally moment, what what? Whistles, and a large falcon comes down out of nowhere.
Falcon: Hareworm wanna transport?
Matthias: Hey, you’re not a falcon, you’re a sparrow named Warbeak.
Falcon: It Sparra, not sparrow. I killee you if you say different.
Matthias: Yeah, but you’re still not a falcon.
Falcon: Whatever. You wanna ride or not?
Matthias: Oh yeah, I’m going to rescue Cornflower.
Falcon: Well climbworm on then.
Matthias and Basil improbably rescue Cornflower, then return to Redwall.
Abbot Mortimer: Oh hi, welcome back. Say, Methuselah just died.
Matthias: What happened?
Abbot Mortimer: Some fox guy came in and killed him.
Matthias. Oh. Cries.

Cut to Chickenhound…

Chickenhound: Woohoo! I’ve just got a bunch of loot!
Asmodeus: I’m going to kill you…bites him, then leaves.
A bunch of random vermin come up and heal Chickenhound.
Chickenhound: Hey, thanks!
Vermin: Don’t mention it. But you’ll need to wear a strange cloth to hide your facial disfiguration if you want any respect.
Chickenhound: Sweet. And to add to the symbolism of this monumental event, I shall now take on the name “Slagar”.
Zigu (out of nowhere): You know, if you’re trying to parallel the Star Wars saga, your timing is really off.
There is a pause, as everyone tries to comprehend this. Finally-A Vermin: Aren’t you dead?
Zigu: I was hoping you’d forget that. Disappears.

Back at Redwall…

Matthias: Eventually we will need to kill Cluny.
Abbot Mortimer: Oh no, there’s good in him.
Matthias: Nah. Hey Cornflower, can I see that lantern?
Matthias completely destroys Cluny’s army, hay cart and all, but Cluny survives.
Matthias (picking up Martin’s sword): Now is the time for me to use this weapon that was guarded through the ages, destined for me. Kills Cluny.
Abbot Mortimer: I still think there was good in him…dies

Constance2
December 2nd, 2005, 08:56 AM
I like that! :lol:

matthias_fan
December 27th, 2005, 08:14 PM
Ok that was funny! :lol: :hon: