Astil

[Ember Nickel]

I like it, although I'm confusing the main character with a lion...that's probably just me.

Happy 500th!

[Wormerwing]

Thanks, and I probably should change the name of the place(Lior)

[RockJaw_Grang]

Looks good keep up the writeing :D

[Bereden the Intrepid]

Good, Concise and flavourful. Keep up the writing and have fun.

[Josiah the Warrior]

I like your style, it's bold, but not annoyingly so. Looks good thus far, keep it up.

[Iyla]

This is really good. Good diction and variant sentance structure are always refreshing. I also like the uniquness(sp?) of the story so far, keep it up.

[Wormerwing]

Thanks for the happy reviews. However, anybody with CONSTRUCTIVE criticism please post. The flames start the literary fire!

Enough corniness... HiHo Silver!

[RockJaw_Grang]

Looking good but mabey on line 13 you should have had it male badger anstead of Badger male.But since its your story have it any way you want it :D

[Wormerwing]

Looking good but mabey on line 13 you should have had it male badger anstead of Badger male.

Eh? What's wrong with badger male?

Anyway, in case nobody's noticed, Chapter 1 up

[Iyla]

Concerning chapter 1:

It's good so far. The only thing I would change is the descriptions. Describing the black squirril so in depth as opposed to Astil or Elan kind of makes the focus bounce around a bit. I'm not saying that the black squirril desc. should be ommited; it adds a bit of intrigue. It might have fit better in a part of the story where the squirill is the center of action. The small conversation between Astil and Elan is a perfect opportunity for the lovely Expostion Fairy to descibe them a bit. Then, when they interact with the black squriirl, his(her) desc. fits in quite nicely. Other than that, I like the story a lot.

EDIT: sorry about mispelling squrill(Squral? Squiiieal?) approximatly 200 times.

[Wormerwing]

Thanks. That's the kind of stuff I need. I was planning on slowly introducing more and more things about Astil and Elan, but I'll step it up a bit.

[Wormerwing]

Chapter 2 Up.

Both Comments and Flames needed. Thankee

[Aubretia]

flames.. in what way? cos the way i'm thinking of it, there aren't enough characters :confused:

[Wormerwing]

Flames are either insult or criticism in my book...

oh, I know what you mean though

[Iyla]

Whoa! Chapter five went a little fast. As in like a racecar. How many wild predatory birds do you know that would drop everything to help a random traveler after threatening to kill them? The parts with Stone are pretty good, but they are a little choppy as well.