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RockJaw_Grang
October 24th, 2005, 10:34 AM
Dragonstone(?)-warning, contains magic. Comments

Hey looking good I like your writting Keep it up.

Wormerwing
October 25th, 2005, 03:14 PM
Very good. Good sentence structure, very good vocabularic(yeah,yeah, I know) selection, awesome story so far. I personally don't see any faults.

I'll have to look harder, i guess ;)

Aubretia
October 26th, 2005, 02:50 AM
Only happy when you're finding things to criticise, huh? ;)

Aubretia
November 3rd, 2005, 01:33 AM
Sorry to double post, but is anyone actually reading my story?
Question: Has anyone ever finished a fanfic that was more than a page?
Question 2: Does Redwall have to feature in this story, or can it just be Redwall-esque?

RockJaw_Grang
November 3rd, 2005, 07:50 AM
I am reading your story and like it.

I think.


Why not its Redwall related.

Aubretia
November 4th, 2005, 09:06 PM
Tfff... what does that mean- you think?
Be more definite peoples!! ;)

Aubretia
November 7th, 2005, 12:24 AM
*double post*
new bit up in story

RockJaw_Grang
November 7th, 2005, 07:52 AM
Kool I really like it only thing is you need to put more up more often :lol:

Aubretia
November 9th, 2005, 01:51 AM
I'll try, only problem is, my yearly exams are next week and I have to study too..
so that means it may take a while. :(

RockJaw_Grang
November 10th, 2005, 08:54 AM
That's too bad but I like what you have up now..one thing is at the end of your new st chapter it says:But he was mostly looking forward to trying out the sword: Does that mean he wants to try out the pike he got??

Aubretia
November 11th, 2005, 01:21 AM
Yeah... ahahaha... :o :lol:
I got confused with some other story/thing in my head...pike...yes...

RockJaw_Grang
November 11th, 2005, 08:35 AM
OK I thought so just making sure... :D

Aubretia
November 15th, 2005, 12:34 AM
New bit up- can't exactly call it a chapter...

RockJaw_Grang
November 15th, 2005, 10:04 AM
Looks kool keep Up the writing..

Aubretia
November 23rd, 2005, 11:30 PM
Sori it took so long, but my exams are over now, so I'll write more.
Another bit up.:cornflow:

LordTBT
November 24th, 2005, 12:18 AM
A lot of style issues jumped out right at me. If you havent already, well there's no way you have. Take a Creative Writing and/or Fiction Writing course.

Additionally, the names felt kind of forced. Like you didn't know what to call people so you slammed some consonants and vowels together.

RockJaw_Grang
November 25th, 2005, 10:20 AM
I like it keep up the good writing.

Aubretia
November 27th, 2005, 11:24 PM
Additionally, the names felt kind of forced. Like you didn't know what to call people so you slammed some consonants and vowels together.

for example??

If you really want to know, Kemen is a spanish name meaning brave, Zerda is the technical name for a fennec fox, Kitsune is japanese for fox-spirit, Akai is jap for red, Cyri is a name I found on the internet which I don't know the meaning of. All the names have some relation to their character, appearance or species.

Any more problems?:lol:


And I'll let you know that I'm a good writer according to everyone apart from you. Maybe you just don't like the way I write.

Sorry, can't please everyone.

Aubretia
October 7th, 2006, 10:43 PM
After around a year of being away from this forum, I have finally restarted my story, due to some 'pleas'(?) from two readers. Please read my story and comment. Thank you!:)