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Thread: The Attack! I want many many opinions!

  1. #1
    Patroller Sagrived Switpaw's Avatar
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    Post The Attack! I want many many opinions!

    I have a question for all of you's LP members.
    Please read my (very unfinished) short story, and tell me your thoughts. It the spelling or grammar offend you, that is ok, this is only a "First/Second" draft.

    But all I want to know is.............Should I keep writing?

    Yes or No?

    Ok...... by Switty........

    The Attack!

    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    Part 1

    Silently Azuretail’s pure Ferret band marched through the pitch black and quiet of Mossflower wood. They were on they’re way to the abbey, and conquest! Togeather they had a little over a score, counting they’re fox leader of course. Even though that wasn’t much, that was all he needed to bring down the Red house.
    They marched on, in quiet unison, every pure ferret face and blade had bin blackened with fire soot, and hanging on they’re persons were all sorts of weapons, Daggers, Cutlasses assorted knives and the odd short spear, all perfect for the job they were performing. Get in, Kill, Plunder and Destroy, leaving the Red sandstone structure as a momentum to the great Fox Azuretail, the lord of the Bluetans, the last of a dieing race. They continued they’re March, left, right, left, right, left, right, all the way to the abbey, and victory!!!

    Upon reaching the southern abbey wall they became still and peaceful, none stirring as ordered by there’re fox commander. They waited a good while, and then….. When the night was still young, three shadows moved. In a row they slid like ghosts across the small clearing separating them from the huge sand stone building, until the back of each of the three Ferrets were against the wall, and the fox with them.
    Then another moment of waiting, the band scarcely breathed, the vermin knew as well as the fox that one noise and they’re mission would be in vain. Then the fox slowly began pulling a rope up out of the black bag he was carrying, with a padded Grapnel tied securely to the end. Azuretail grasped the rope close to the Grapnel and twirled, letting fly on he second time around. He succeeded, the padded hook landed with a light clink upon the parapet and laid still. Neb, The recorder/doorman who lived in the gate house, was dozing peacefully at the base of the wall, until his slumbers were interrupted by the light clip of metal upon stone; the hog stirred and stood up. He looked around at the black night, just now coming to grasp with the fact that it was now late, and that he had bin sleeping, the last thing that he could remember was leaving the “Dibbun apple roast” that was held outside his gate house to watch the stars come out, which he couldn’t do with all the fire light near the gate. He had retreated to the South wall, ware he had laid down and looked through dreary eyes at the stars. But that had bin after dawn, and it was now well into the night.
    Outside of they abbeys south wall, not a sole breathed, the fox wanted to be sure no one was about to disturb his plans, even at this late hour. They waited, and waited. Neb took one last look around, saw nothing and decided to head back inside his beloved abode, for he was very sleepy, even after his long nap outside. That evening at supper, he had consumed very large amounts of Turnip & Beetroot stew, and an extra serving of blueberry crumble, so naturally the Hog wanted nothing more then rest. He walked across the lawn headed north, towards the gate house and his lovely bed. In the distance you could hear a door creek shut, and silence return.

    Very soon after, movement began down at the base of the wall. Azuretail slowly began guiding the black padded Grapnel backwards with the rope, until it snagged on the red sandstone rock at the base of the wall. They waited and scanned the wall top slowly, finding nothing, they began they’re assault on the wall.
    One by one, two Ferrets shimmied up the rope and onto the wall top, there names were Brack and Skint, and they were set on the wall top. Skint was the older of the two, and the best climber, the mottled Ferret had a long slash across his left cheek, giving him a gruesome look, he climbed ahead of his companion Brack. They mounted the wall cautiously; then Skint unhooked the grapnel and let it fall to the ground, almost striking Azuretail who had to dive out of the way to keep from getting stuck by the sharp metal object. A silent snigger could be heard from the trees behind the Fox. Silently Azuretail cursed Skint’s foolishness, and vowed to make an example of him when the job was done. He quietly crawled over to the rope and began coiling it neatly, they would need it later. At the top of the wall, the Ferrets slid across the parapet and crept down the southern wall stairs, ware they stooped low in the shadows, checking themselves before the next move. Then outside the walls, a glint of white could be seen in the dark, as the foxes evil grimace was reflected in the moon light. Azuretail lay still at the base of the wall exposing a black charred dagger on his belt. He waited for a instant and scanned the wall top, then silently motioned to the rest of the band across the clearing, they did as they were shown, they silently streaked across the clearing until they all reached the wall, then they flattened themselves up against the red sandstone, into the shadows of the giant wall. Azuretail rolled over onto his back and stood up next to the small wine door.
    His plan was working; soon the Red house and all the beasts inside it will be his to do with as he pleases.

    Inside the abbey walls at the bottom of the stairs the two ferrets Brack and Skint crouched behind some bushes for cover, careful to obey they’re masters every word about stealth and silence. They did just as they were told, silent as the night, and stealthy as a summer’s breeze. Again they waited, and waited………. The two vermin held still, and waited……… but not long, for soon they were on the move, and they headed for the small wine door at the base of the wall they had just concurred. With the greatest ease they slid out from the cover of the wall shadows, and the silent pair headed straight for the door, there, Brack reached a grubby paw into a small bag dangling from the bottom of his buckler and pulled out a small miss shaped box. He opened it and dipped a claw in, the sharp claw came out black with a tick coating of grease on it, and he smeared the dark oil on the small hinges of the door. Then the greased wine door opened inwards, and in crept Azuretail, along with another twenty odd ferrets. The fox acknowledged Brack and Skint with a slight nodded, as if they had done an adequate job, and with the fox in the lead, they headed for the abbey all silent. The band knew what to do; Azuretail had rehearsed this night and day, allowing them to grain stealth like they’re leader, but not so much as to succeed him, for no matter how hard they would try, none could match Azuretail the Lord of the Bluetans.

    When they arrived behind the red sandstone building, they all crouched low as Azuretail scanned the building keenly. Spying a low open window, the evil fox summoned Brack with his left paw, the ferret stepped forward quick and quite, Azuretail began uncoiling the climbing rope and Grapnel, and the ferret undid his buckler holding his two Scimitars. Azuretail looked over his shoulder at Skint, the Ferret he had lost fait in. He drew Brack closer, until they were eye to eye. “My servant Brack” said the fox with a smile “You are my most cunning climber, do ya think you can reach the window without the rope?”
    The mute vermin nodded solemnly, cracking his claws with unvoiced joy. “Good, good!” said Azuretail with a smile “you must not fail me silent one.”
    The vermin bared his fangs and handed his weapons to Skint, who held them with anguish. Azuretail re-curled the rope and looped it over Brack’s shoulder, then over his head and neck. Brack wiped his claws on his mangy coat to clear them of any left over grease, then flexed his powerful limbs and dug his claws into the red colored sandstone. Up he went with only the slightest of scratching noise, his claws burrowing into bare slabs of red rock; he climbed higher, and higher!
    Until he reached the window in question, his paws clenched on the window ledge, like a cat he sprung up and into the windows sill, he had made it, he was in the abbey, and once inside, Brack un-looped the coiled rope from his shoulders and hooked the grapnel on the bottom window sill ad let the rope down to the rest of the vermin. The commander fox grabbed the rope and quickly picked out ten able bodied ferrets to carry out his command, “Razhear!! Take eight others and head towards the west wall, lie in the shadows and wait for my command.”
    Razhear nodded knowingly, he and nine ferrets turned and headed for the wall, leaving Azuretail, Skint and eight others to enter the abbey by the rope.

    Due to Azuretail’s bad left leg, you might think his climbing would be slow and painful, but this is not so. He used pure upper body strength; towing himself up paw by paw to the top, without letting the rope slacken, he climbed with only his forepaws, letting his foot paws dangle uselessly beside the rope.
    Another twelve vermin fallowed behind him, all skilled climbers. Once through the window, they found them selves in the hallway leading to the dormitory’s, they immediately headed for the steps, then Azuretail stopped half way up. He whispered and pointed.
    Last edited by Sagrived Switpaw; February 4th, 2006 at 05:43 PM.
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  2. #2
    Patroller Sagrived Switpaw's Avatar
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    The Attack!

    Part 2

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    “Ha! You two! Fennd and Andra! Coil that rope!” the fox pointed towards the window. “And then head for the main door, Barr it shut!”
    “Yes sirr!” Said Fennd and Andra in unison quietly, the two ferrets stood still as all the other vermin passed them. “Let’s move slayers!” said the fox with a wide grin. “We’ve got some killing to do!”
    Sniggers arose from the killer Ferrets, they drew they’re blades and ascended the stairs, they had a score to settle with the Redwaller’s, and now there were no walls or doors to stand in they’re way.
    The entire abbey was silent, peaceful and calm; all the dormitory doors were shut, but not locked! (Who needs locks at RedWall abbey anyhow?)
    Each room stayed peaceful, not knowing what lurked just on the other side of the door.
    But the band was getting restless, they were cold, hungry and tired of silence, all were ready to kill at a moments notice. Many times they had pleaded with their leader to let the have at the abbey dwellers, but each time Azuretail turned them down. “Quiet you runts, there are more important things to do, before we kill!”

    They were headed for the attics, the roosting point of Tackkrim and Nera, brother and sister, the abbeys two fledgling Sparrows. These birds had harassed the vermin in the past, and they were first on the revenge list of Azuretail. When they reached the top attic they peeped around the door into the dark room, the evil fox was right, there on identical perches sat the two birds, sound asleep with they’re heads tucked under wings.
    The fox closed the door quietly, noting that the door swung out towards them.
    ‘Now’ he said gleefully. ‘Were gonna lock those two feather brain out, away from they’re screaming friends! That will bring more pain upon them, then slaying them ourselves, these Red house creatures would rather die then be the cause they’re friends pain!’
    Sniggers could be heard in the hallway. They exchanged evil grins and quiet laughs as they worked on the door.
    “This door swings out ah?” said the fox menacingly, “You! Kipner! Give me that spear.”
    With a slight wedging action, he barred the door tight, but Azuretail wasn’t satisfied, he wanted one more block on the door. He looked at his group of killers, who were all anxious to get on with the fun.
    Azuretail spoke, “All of you search the passageway quietly, but if you make any sounds I will skin you alive and then behead you!”
    There were no smiles on the bands faces, they knew this was no bluff, so they began they’re search.
    It did dent take long before the returned to the fox with a bench they had found.
    The fox was pleased; ‘Good, good!!’ he said with a smile. ‘This would make the door completely sealed off.’ They fixed the bench to the door and pressed it tight, now there way no way for the birds inside to exit the room, now they were trapped. Azuretail was pleased, ‘Now my killers!” he said “Now we can avenge ourselves, and regain our dignity!’ the fox had to silence them for they all wanted to cheer. He looked around the hall, and the killers stood before him, “Now we still must be quiet! We are close to the top of the red house; we must journey down to ware the mice sleep.”

    All of the slayers started off at a quiet walk, soon they rounded a bend. This last stretch of hallway was dark and misleading, with many shadows and very little light. There were two doors on the one side, and a few windows on the other, Azuretail stopped them at the first one.
    They could see the steps leading down to the dormitory clearly now, but Azuretail wanted to check these two rooms first. He motioned three of his killer ferrets. “You three enter this room quietly and kill all inside.”
    The ferrets that were chosen nodded and liked they’re blades cruelly, and soon they were all in the dark room searching for signs of life. Then Azuretail turned to another pair. ‘And you both, go on to the next room, it is your turn to kill!’
    They smiled and saluted. Walking off at a good pace
    Soon the first group returned looking puzzled. “Nothing Chief.’ said the first searcher. ‘None of em’s in there!”
    The fox looked curiously at them. “Nothing? Not a one?” The ferret shook his head sadly.
    ‘Well then??’ said the fox curiously ‘They must be down the next level.’ he looked around the hall at the scowling faces. ‘Well….. Let’s go mates!’
    With that they started walking toward the second door, when a faint scream could be heard.
    The fox stopped. ‘What’s that now????’ He said, holding perfectly still. Then the door in front of them burst into pieces, and out came one of the ferrets. He hit the wall and dropped like a stone….. Dead! Then they heard the screams of the second vermin, still alive but scared speechless.
    Then rang a war cry that sounded strange to they’re ears, “STRUUUMMMMPAWWWWW!!!!!!!!!”
    The second vermin also came out of the door and was about to slam into the wall when an arrow zipped out of the blackness and buried itself into the ferrets neck. She slumped to the floor on top of the other slain ferret. The vermin stood in awe, completely shocked, they looked at each other, took a few steps back and then ran, back around the hallway corner, an arrow flew past they’re heads and bounced off the wall in front of them.
    They dove around the corner to safety, none daring to look at the defender that did this. For they saw the last ferret slain, and a Black fletched arrow protruding from her neck.

    The shouts had wakened half the abbey by now, and they were all on the move. Snatching up candles and throwing on night robes, as they exited the dormitories.
    A lean female squirrel stood in the hallway, dressed in a plain yellow jerkin, but her fur was black as night and thick and smooth.
    Her bow was drawn with a black tipped arrow laid upon it; around her waist was a belt of
    Weaved Snakeskin and on the side of her right leg, a long dagger in its sheath.
    The abbot Dreafous and Skipper of otters were the first two on the scene, and immediately thy both started asking questions.
    “What is this some kind of break in?” ‘What happened here Myra?’ “What are you doing up here so late at night” ‘who made those screams?’
    The squirrel calmed them with a wave of her paw, ‘Friends, friends!! All will be explained in due time, but first I must ask something of both of you.’
    The otter and abbot looked at each other in shock. ‘Ask quick child, for I fear something is wrong.’
    Skipper looked at the abbot quickly, “I am sorry my old friend, but the screams and war cries might have given that away.”
    By that time more abbey dwellers had arrived, and they were all standing around Myra, Skipper and Dreafous, shooting questions back and forth like there was no tomorrow.
    Myra then stood up and called all to attention, ‘Quiet!! Friends!!! Keep quiet and I’ll tell you.’ The held up her paw as if no questioning would be allowed.
    ‘There are vermin in the abbey’ she said calmly, immediately hey all broke out in chatter and questions.
    She gave a whistle and stood up a step as to be higher up then them.
    ‘Enough!!! All you need to know is, that vicious killers are in the abbey, now go back to your rooms, get dressed, take your younguns and family’s down to the abbey door, and then out onto the lawns and safety.’
    Skipper jumped in, ‘But any warriors here better come back armed and ready to fight.
    Amazingly this time none questioned the black squirrel, the all moved like lightning (Which is a lot faster then a normal abbey goes pace) into there rooms, dressed them self’s and snatched up they’re dibbuns (children)
    The abbot Dreafous led the chattering abbey dwellers down the passage to the dormitories, and then o the sick bay, to
    Skipper and another plump mouse by the name of Vance stayed with Myra, they had all they needed.
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  3. #3
    Patroller Sagrived Switpaw's Avatar
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    The Attack!

    Part 3

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    The otter chief was up late exercising, so he had gone to bed fully dressed, and Vance was always ready for a scrap, the mouse only had a sling and stone pouch, but he could put a stone between your eyes if you gave him the chance.
    Skipper had grabbed his favorite javelin on his way out, he also had a sling and pouch, but he was all out of stones. Vance tosses him a few smooth purplish green rocks that he had collected at the river Moss’s ford.
    The smooth orbs were examined by skipper, ‘Good stones Vance! Your best I see!’ The mouse turned his head shyly, ‘Aw it was nothing, and I thought the harder stones appropriate for those vermin slayers.’
    The three shared a chuckle and mounted the stairs.
    Skipper looked over at the tough heroine, ‘Id like to see them Myra, just to get a fix on they’re position.’
    ‘Suite your self!’ said the squirrel ‘I suppose you need to see to believe sir, follow me.’
    Up the stairs they crept, with a slight sound paws on woods.
    At the top, three heads peeped up over the top step, they scanned the hall, both the doors were opened and two vermin lay slain not five paces ahead of them.
    Around the far corner, came two paws and then a dark head of a ferret, the head disappeared, but not the paws, the vermin was leaning on the wall in such a way as to be able to see around the corner.
    Vance nudged Skipper in the ribs. ‘Ahy matey, let’s have a bit of fun shall we?’
    The otter whispered back. ‘What do you suggest Vance?’
    ‘Well……….’ said the mouse quietly as he reached for his sling pouch ‘You take the top paw and I’ll take the bottom.’
    The otter looked confuse for a second and then a huge grin spread across his face. ‘Yerr on Vancey!!’
    The mouse retreated and came up on the other side of Myra, both competitors slowly stood and twirled there slings.
    The hum could be heard in the air by the slingers, and the vermin. The slow witted ferret looked around the bend again just as the two warriors released they’re stones.
    Vance’s stone Struck the vermin’s bottom paw, but the Skippers throw was off to the left, it bounced off the wall and cleared the vermin’s paw, burrowing itself into the ferrets eye with a whomp!
    The stunned vermin fell forwards, with a loud groaned.
    Myra jumped up and drew an arrow from her quiver, letting fly with a twang, the vermin never had a chance, for he lay dead on the floor.
    “One less for us to cross blades with later” said Myra with a fire in her eye. She obviously wouldn’t stand for any vermin entering into Redwall, “Let that be a warning to them, because the next one around that bend will get the same thing.”

    Down in Cavern Hole, The Abbot Dreafous was taking charge with a strong but cautious will. He had ordered the dormitories to be emptied, and he’d set the three warriors, Myra, Skipper and Vance at the bottom of the great wood stair leading to the upper levels. Dreafous was and old and wise Mouse, so he knew how to govern his abbey dwellers. Abbey dwellers milled left and right with the wild, yet sleepy Dibbuns sitting on the floor. Questions were thick in the air, as the abbot tried to answer them in a fitting manner; “What’s happening Dreaf?” said one voice “Why all the’r yellin good zurr?” spoke another.
    Dreafous stepped up on a wobbly rocking chair and made a calming motion with his paws face down; “Friends, friends, friends.” He said wearily “all will be clear in due time, for the darkness will not last forever.”
    More commotion followed, as each abbey beast cackled with they’re neighbor, all wondering what all the commotion was about.
    “Listen all.” Said the abbot calmly “You must be calm, there is no need for gossip or meanness small talk, so with no offence intended I say, do not speak unless it is absolutely necessary.”
    The warm, dimly light room became quiet and silent; all eyes were on the abbot as he dismounted his unsteady perch. Then the crowd was parted, and in waked a young Hare, fit and trim clad in green jerkin with gold trim. He made his way over to the abbot, and pulled him to the side of the room, so as to convey his message to the old mouse in private. Dreafous nodded solemnly, and whispered back his answer to the young lad, giving him a pat on the back to get him going. Off he trotted walked, dodging and weaving through the crowd, feeling very important and needed,

    Inside the hallway to Great Hall, five of Redwall’s finest defenders stood with they’re backs against the wall. There was the Boxing Hare called Destra, an odd water Vole named Randi, and the otter triplet Brett, Rhett and they’re Sister Vernika, all from the Patchfur Clan. They all were skilled fighters, and seasoned warriors, true allies in the face of danger. They were all silent and patient, just waiting, for they had seen the figures of two steely ferrets leaning up against the big abbey door.
    Then through the corridor came the young hare, Anestra, Destra’s young lad, bearing orders from the abbot himself. The youth stepped forward slowly, and delivered the message in a whisper to his father.
    The boxing hare nodded solemnly and listened closely. Then with a last nod Destra looked up solemnly, he addressed his companions in barely a whisper.
    “All right chaps.” He whispered “We are all set to take those two blighters down, but I think we will need some outside help.”
    He shifted his position, and drew even closer to his companions so as not to be heard by the vermin.
    “But we need outside help lad, in a head on charge we could take em, but at a pretty price I’d imagine.”
    He looked each warrior in the eyes, “But I figure we’ll have someone outside the abbey, make a diversion, and we’ll be in there long before they can draw they’re blades, now what do you say to that?”
    Nods of approval could be seen in the dim corridor. The otter Brett stepped forward, grasping a javelin in his paw, “You give us the word mate, and we’ll attack!”
    The hare shushed him quietly, “Good to hear it wot, but a bit quieter next time old chap.”
    In they all closed to hear what the plan was, and soon they too were in agreement with the Hare, outside help would be crucial for maintaining life.
    After they had heard the plan, the vole and three otters were all nodding in agreement, that the plan would work.
    “Have a good time chaps, err excuse me Chaps and Chapesses. Keep your weapons close in the scrap, and give em what for.”
    With that final word, the hare turned and started a slow walk down the hall motioned to his son to follow; they headed off and soon disappeared into the dark passageway. They would have to find a window and sneak out quietly for the plan to succeed.
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  4. #4
    Patroller Sagrived Switpaw's Avatar
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    The Attack!

    Part 4

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Neb the Gatekeeper/recorder, was snoozing peacefully in his be when a knock sounded on the door, at first timid, then the door slowly open, outside seemed bright compared to the dark of the gate house.
    Anestra entered and approached the bed with the old hedgehog in it, and shook him into wakefulness.
    The old abbey dweller sat bolt up right and muttered out a few words.
    “Uha a what? What?”
    But the young hare shushed him to silence, “Be quiet old timer, evil tidings are at work and the hour is late…... sir!”
    The hedgehog sleepily looked into Anestra’ eyes, they were wild and full of rage, yet excitement, “Only if it’s important lad, only if it’s…….”
    “You bet your sweet spikes it important!” said the young hare hastily “The abbey has vermin crawling all through it!”
    This remark sent Neb’s spikes ridged and his back tensed. “The scum, ware did they all come from I thought they were….”
    The hare shook his head, “They must have planned this whole thing, but their is no time for a bally ramble, I need your help!”
    Neb needed no more then that, “Well then lets get on with it lad! But what are we doing anyway?”
    The hare smiled wickedly, “Making a distraction old one, making a distraction.
    “Right!” said Neb sternly “But don’t call me old you whippersnapper!”
    The youthful hare just smiled, the hedgehog was no longer in his fittest days, but his help was needed.

    Outside the abbeys northern wall, Tanra the Fox awoke, he couldn’t sleep any longer, he felt something inside him pulling him up, keeping him from his slumbers. He rolled to a new position on the tree root he had bin sleeping on, when, he sat up.
    Propping his back against the tree, for he was looking into the eyes of a strong mouse, standing right over him? A mouse, at this hour? He hadn’t seen this mouse at the abbey before. This one was noble looking, with strong limbs and rough paws.
    The noble beast didn’t say anything, just motioned, he wave to Tanra, as if to say “Come and see this fox!”
    Tanra blinked twice and saw the mouse turn and walk down the path and then around the bend.
    Was he mad? Was he really seeing a guiding mouse at this late hour?
    No…. He couldn’t be….. But then, he felt a jump in his stomach, and the fox stood up, he followed ware he thought the mouse had gone, around the bend, and there he was, the warrior like mouse standing in the moon light, with a great sword in his paws.

    Tanra put his hand on his own saber hilt and walked towards the mouse, which jumped around the corner and took off.
    “He’s getting away!” Tanra thought to himself, “I must catch him, I must know…..”
    The fox rounded the bend in a dash and stopped. Nothing, the mysterious mouse had vanished.
    Tanra took a few steps forward and stopped, looked down. A black mark was on the ground, it was not a clump of grass or any type of oil.
    He bent down and felt it with his claw, it was powdery and when he sniffed it he smelled smoke.
    “Soot!” he said quietly, “Now think Tanra, why would soot be outside, when they abbey beasts made they’re fire inside?”
    He looked from his paw to the ground and then up, the huge wall stood in front of him, and the small wine door was there! He had never noticed it before; this door enters into the abbey grounds!
    “The abbey grounds…… ” he said quietly.
    He stepped over the soot and put his paw on the door latch, and to his amazed surprise, it swung open, quietly.
    Tanra stood in the door way; “Now why this is door so quiet? And what is…….” He looked closer; something was on the door, grease, a dark coat of it. Someone had done this, someone that wanted entrance to the abbey, quietly and at night!
    “The vermin!” He hissed “They came back!”
    Without hesitance, he drew his saber that the old hare had given him, and stormed into the abbey.
    For no foe would harm his friends, no matter how little they trusted him!


    (Thus is as far as I have gotten)
    Thanks, Switty! (Post please)
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  5. #5
    Patroller Storm Swiftblade's Avatar
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    Keep writing! I'm enjoying it. I want to know what happens!

  6. #6
    Patroller Silverfang's Avatar
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    Here here! Good job old bean and what! haha top hole!
    ~Silverfang~

    "Tahahahahaha woohhahahahaah tehehehe!"

    Earsplitting isnt it?

    Anyone want a scone?

  7. #7
    Patroller: General Josiah the Warrior's Avatar
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    It doesn't matter how good you are at something, if you enjoy doing it, keep doing it. Especially in the case of writing, the more you do it, the better you'll get.
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  8. #8
    Patroller redwallfan91's Avatar
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    Silverfang, no offence, but here's a link that might help. (click it if you don't know what I mean)

    http://forums.longpatrolclub.com/showthread.php?t=5214

    I really don't think Sagrived is going to keep writing this, it's over a year and a half old. If you see a good thread that's old, just make a new one similar to it if you want to post in it. It will keep the forum clear of old stuff that has lost interest, whereas a new thread will be easier, especially because once a certain number of posts pile up it gets confusing and often off topic.
    Last edited by redwallfan91; November 8th, 2007 at 05:43 PM.
    "Language? If your mother could hear you!" ~Basil Stag Hare, Redwall Season One

    ~"For it is not for glory, nor honour, nor riches that we fight, but for freedom only, which no good man surrenders, but with his life!" -Robert de Bruce

    "Life is a battle you only win when you die." -J. William English

    "I don't write for a living. I write for a life." -J. William English

  9. #9
    Patroller Sagrived Switpaw's Avatar
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    Wow, quite sometime since I've seen this old fanfic. It's on my list of "things to finish someday" but yea.....I probably should re-write is sometime.

    *marks on "long term" check list*
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    "We will meet again my friend, but not yet, not yet..."

  10. #10
    Patroller Silverfang's Avatar
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    My stories I just started and I enjoy 'em well. so I keep doing em even if no one comments
    ~Silverfang~

    "Tahahahahaha woohhahahahaah tehehehe!"

    Earsplitting isnt it?

    Anyone want a scone?

  11. #11
    Patroller Sagrived Switpaw's Avatar
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    Dining room duel

    The following is a side battle from the fanfic “The Attack” by Sagrived Switpaw.

    Zeik Destra awoke to the sounds of distant rustling. The aged boxing hare glanced about the kitchen, which seemed calm enough. But the eerie rustling continued, the hare stood up and brushed off his ruffled shirt. The stove fire was all but extinguished; he set another log on the coals and turned towards the door, brushing bark dust from his paws.
    He stopped and looked up at the ceiling, he could hear the thumping of paws; running. The boxer turned around and headed back towards the fire, he figured there must be something a foot, since it was much too early for any Redwaller to be up. Destra stooped down to where he’d been sleeping and reached for his buckler and dirk, he pause in mid reach. His ears twitched, discerning two pairs of paws click-clacking down the stairs towards the dining hall. Destra silently strapped the belt over one shoulder and crept towards the door way. His eyes and ears peeked around the door frame, staring out over the many wooden tables. A dark shape appeared on the other side of the hall, paused at the dining room entrance and crept down through the tables, headed right for the kitchen and Destra. The hare pondered for a moment and drew his dirk. He flattened himself into an indentation in the wall and waited for whatever was coming. Click, clack, click, went the oncoming shadow.
    Then the clicking stopped, Destra glanced at the creature, a lean ferret dressed in a purple robe and carrying a dampened cutlass stood erect in the doorway, her teeth gleamed in the shadows as she scanned the poorly lit kitchen. The ferret’s keen eye probed the room, ever seeking a victim. Destra heard the ferret exhale slowly, and the clicking resume.
    He slunk out from his hiding place and stole across to the doorway, looking out around the door frame. The ferret was striding towards the cellar, unaware of the hares presence.
    She stopped like before, and scanned the cellar. The ferret liked her chops and eyed the large barrels which lined the room, she slowly continued inwards.
    Destra took a deep breath and crept like a phantom towards the cellar door, which swung outwards on sturdy iron hinges. He reached the door, and stood not ten paces from the unknowing ferret. The hare gripped the door handle and began inching it shut, but the iron hinges let out a groan of discontent. The ferret spun on her heels diving head long at the door, but Destra slammed it shut. She hit the wooden door hard, but it didn’t budge. In a flash Destra had his dirk out and wedged deeply in the wood, blocking the entrance indefinitely. The hare turned and caught a flashing glimpse of the second shadow streak across the hall. “One blaggard down!” Destra said quietly.
    Last edited by Sagrived Switpaw; November 13th, 2007 at 10:03 AM.
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  12. #12
    Patroller Sagrived Switpaw's Avatar
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    He strode back into the kitchen; grabbing a wooden meat mallet and thrust a carving knife into his dirk sheath. Scratching and slicing sounds could be heard from behind the think door, but it wasn’t yielding. Destra took a deep breath and stretched his paws; the hare had a keen strategic mind and knew the price of under estimating his opponents. He took a quick glance outside the doorway; his eyes caught a movement in the far right corner. He cracked his neck nonchalantly and gripped the meat mallet in his left paw. He then casually turned the corner and walked out into the hall, feigning an expression of extreme normality. He strode five paces and dove left, overturning a table and rolling onto the floor. Something zipped through the air above his ears, the projectile bounced off the wall and landed beside Destra. The hare picked it up and caressed a stubbed foot paw. A fire charred dart, metal tipped with gull feathers tied the end. The hare let out a “Humm” followed by a dramatized groan. Hopefully that would instill doubt in the enemy’s mind, and give him the advantage he needed. The hare peeked around his barricade and under the many wooden table legs. His enemy was on the move, creeping like a shadow with his back to the wall. Destra noted this, as the villain was obviously trying to free his comrade in the seller.
    Destra determined he’d have to put a stop to that! The hare leaped up and threw the wooden mallet with a tremendous force, the vermin made and extraordinary effort, diving sideways in a flash, the mallet glanced off the vermin’s foot paw fell with a thump to the floor. Destra seized this opportune moment; hurtling over his barricade and sliding forward, with all his strength he overturned the next two tables, the previously silent room was alive with noise, as the hare ducked behind the right table. This was the kind of fight a retired long patrol captain dreamed of!
    Destra took a moment to take stock of his position, speaking too himself silently, “Two tables and one bally enemy, lets see how smart this buffoon really is.”
    He checked the floor around him, shreds of the torn table cloth rested around him like new fallen snow. His paw brushed up against something, a metal serving tray left over from last nights dinner. Destra gave a nod, “This’ll do it wot!” he thought.
    He poked his head out around the table and located his enemy, moving yet again this time crawling, the hare took a deep breath and stood up silently. He wasn’t about to let this creature with the metal darts gain the upper hand. The checked his knife and tucked the tray under one are. He vaulted his barricade and leapt up onto an upstanding table a dart whizzed by, grazing his left ear. From table to table he jumped, for a hare of his age he really could get up and go. He mounted the table where his enemy was hiding, whipping the metal tray up into position like a shield. A dart put a sharp dent in the tray, but it didn’t stop him, he saw his enemy panic, obviously looking to reload. Too late, Destra came crashing down on him, metal tray and all. The vermin let out a screech, and jumped to his feet, dropping the pieces of his broken dart pipe. Destra did like ways, and stood still, he was staring into the face of a dark furred ferret; the vermin’s face was black as pitch, his teeth stubbed, and claws sharpened. He spat angrily and cursed at Destra, but backed away. Destra raised his fists and charged him, landing two left jabs to the vermin’s black jaw. The ferret swung his claws furiously, catching the back of Destra’s left guard paw. The hare held his fighters stance, landing a strong right to the vermin’s face which sent him sprawling backwards.
    The fallen ferret used a table as a crutch, helping himself up off the ground. He grinned evilly and picked something up off the floor; the wooden mallet, which Destra had throw earlier.
    LPF Addicted since: 05/05/05

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  13. #13
    Patroller Sagrived Switpaw's Avatar
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    The vermin charged, attacking with short swipes of the mallet, Destra leapt back and pried the leg off a table. Countering the mallet with his new club, the vermin swung furiously but couldn’t land a blow. Destra smiled and spoke to the vermin, “Bally not gonna land a hit on me bucko!” the angered ferret stepped back eyeing up the hare, “I is Fennd, the black slayer!” the vermin said tearing a dart fro m his waist belt, “PERPARE TO DIE!” He charged head long at the hare; Destra dropped his weapon and raised his fists, ready for action. They clashed, each landing a blow to the opposites mid section. Fennd growled deeply and charged, Destra countered with a simple side step, which sent the vermin sailing into a table. Fennd staggered to his feet, slightly dazed and dumbfounded. Destra turned to his right, in a burst of strength he hefted a wooden bench up above his head. The dazed Fennd saw the hare come at him with the wooden bench.
    The vermin jumped back, and then back again trying to evade the oncoming hare, but the vermin found no refuge in the Sothern corner of the room, he slammed into the stone wall and Destra let out a loud roar “End of the line chap!” The hare howled aloud “Eulallliiiaaaaaaaaaa!” and slammed the bench into the ferret, crushing the vermin’s spine instantly. Destra stepped back letting the bench and slain vermin topple to the ground. He took a breather, “Whew!” said the hare “That brings back memories wot wot!” He laughed.
    But only for a moment, he turned and walked into the kitchen, he stepped back and looked into the pantry. The cellar door hung open on its rusty hinges; the handle had been hacked off from the inside. Destra drew the knife he had confiscated from the kitchen and turned into the kitchen he stopped in the doorway and spoke, “Bring it missy!!!” Out from the shadows shot the purple robed vermin swinging, she charged swinging her cutlass through the air! The blades clashed, the two fighters stared each other in the eye, and unlocked their blades, each taking a step back. The ferret reached into her purple robe, and drew out Destra’s dirk which had been blocking the door. She licked the blade evilly and threw it at the hare. He deflected the spinning blade with a slice from his own knife. The dirk shot off into the night, stirring fire coals into wakefulness. The ferret charged again, this time swing her cutlass with long three quarter strokes.
    Destra dodged twice and pummeled the vermin’s stomach with a double kick which sent her flying backwards. The hare turned and knelt by the fire, picking up his favorite blade.
    He spoke, “Insult me all ya like missy, but don’t ever degrade my dirk!” The vermin jumped up and screeched horribly, Destra’s paw moved in a flash, flicking his beloved dirk into his opponent’s chest. The vermin dropped to the floor, stone dead.
    He walked over to the carcass and retrieved his weapon, cleaning it on the vermin’s robe. “What a shame.” He said slowly, “Right now I could be sleeping wot wot!”

    The hare chuckled and exited the kitchen. He was off too the upper levels to see what all the commotion was about.
    LPF Addicted since: 05/05/05

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  14. #14
    Patroller Gorath the Flame's Avatar
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    If I had the time to read a fanfic then I might, but I don't have that time. I read the first few paragraphs it's awesome.
    Vermin Mishaps! may return, eventually...maybe.

  15. #15
    Patroller Silverfang's Avatar
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    Dining room duel! woo! lol
    ~Silverfang~

    "Tahahahahaha woohhahahahaah tehehehe!"

    Earsplitting isnt it?

    Anyone want a scone?

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