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Thread: Tiff: A Tale of Ultimate Squirrelly-ness

  1. #16
    Patroller Mad Maudie McBurl's Avatar
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    bravo bravo. keep it up. Whens the next part.
    "plucky!" "Hello Dashie, I've missed you." "Yeah I've missed you too."

    Animals of farthing wood the tv series.

  2. #17
    Patroller Fuzface's Avatar
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    The next part is whenever my BFF adds another paragraph or so.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ferahgo the Assassin View Post
    Ice cream makes everything better. Even Big Brother.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stephen King
    Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people. The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.

  3. #18
    Patroller Mad Maudie McBurl's Avatar
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    Did you get the Idea from TRISS.
    "plucky!" "Hello Dashie, I've missed you." "Yeah I've missed you too."

    Animals of farthing wood the tv series.

  4. #19
    Patroller Fuzface's Avatar
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    Yup. Triss is one of our favorite Redwall books, so we did that. We also spoofed Taggerung, which we both hate.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ferahgo the Assassin View Post
    Ice cream makes everything better. Even Big Brother.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stephen King
    Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people. The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.

  5. #20
    Patroller Mad Maudie McBurl's Avatar
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    I think this is spamming so we had better stop.
    "plucky!" "Hello Dashie, I've missed you." "Yeah I've missed you too."

    Animals of farthing wood the tv series.

  6. #21
    Patroller Fuzface's Avatar
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    My friend got over her writers block, and added some. Then, I added even more. So this section is both of us, combinded. Enjoy:

    Chapter 6

    Just then, a rather large door opened on the side of Salamandastron, and a badger came out. He walked down to the shore slowly, as if it was annoying for him. He glanced wearily at the searats all cowering under Welfa—I mean, Welblood Deathfare's glare, and sighed. Before speaking, he stroked an imaginary beard thoughtfully.
    “None of you have seen my son Bill Williams lately, have you? He's been missing for a few decades, now.” he looked around quizzically. Welfare looked down for a minute or two, then looked up suddenly.
    “Urm, sir? Do you mean...the legendary Bloodwrath?” The badger stared at the hedgehog in freakish shock.
    “Do you mean to say he's actually carried out that stupid threat of changing his name? That dummy's going to get a good pummeling when I get my paws on him,” Welfare shot a helpless glance to the bushes where Scarer and Tiff lay hidden.
    “I'm afraid that's out of the question.” Welfare's paws were sweating terribly as she clasped them behind her back.
    “What makes you say that? Tell me, eh. I can handle it.”
    “Well, y'see, Bloodwr—er, Bill—went through sort of a stage of unquenched bloodthirstiness? And, er, he well, got what was comin' to him; really. Terribly sorry and all that, Mr...Williams?”
    “What do you mean?” The gianormous badge picked up Welfare and sat her on his knee. “Tell me everything, little one,” He said kindly.
    “Urm, well ye’see,” Welfare squirmed uncomfortably, “He was sorta tryin ta kill me n’ I sorta had ta kill ‘im back, ya know. I’m sorry, sir, it won’t happen again,” she gave Mr. Williams a pathetic look. She even managed to fake a sniffle. Mr. Williams burst into tears:
    “Ohboohoohooo,” he wailed, “My poor little son turned to the Dark Side! I loved him so!” He nearly drowned Welfare in his tears. When he finally managed to stop sobbing, he looked at Welfare.
    “I have been robbed of my son, but I will have a daughter,”
    “You’re pregnant?” Welfare said stupidly, staring at Mr. Williams in shock.
    “No, m’dear,” said the huge badger, who had finally got a grip on his emotions. “You will be my daughter, my adoptive daughter. Someday, you’ll lead the Long Patrol, and rule Salamandastron,” Welfare couldn’t believe her luck. This was going to work out to her advantage rather well.
    “Can I call you ‘Daddykinz’?”
    “Of course you may!” Daddykinz threw his gigantic arms around Welfare, but then dropped her quickly.
    “You’re prickly,” he gasped. Welfare snickered somewhat evilly, but then threw her arms around the badger.
    “I love you Daddykinz,” She heard sniffles, and the entire vermin camp burst into tears. Even the Grungy Fox sniffled a little bit.
    “We are forever in you service, Welblood Deathfare, Princess of Salamandastron,” He made a low bow.
    “Hey!” squealed Tiff, “I’m the one who killed that bloody badger! It was me!” She leaped from the rose bush and stood next to Welfare, followed closely by Scarer.
    “Nope, sorry, I lied,” Before Tiff could burst into tears, Daddykinz hugged her.
    “You can be my other daughter,” he said kindly.
    “Aw, we’re one big happy family,” sniffled Scarer.
    “Enough sappyness!” Welfare suddenly shouted, “This is all well an’ good, but there’s work to be done, an evil ferret to destroy, a war to win, slaves to free, and a sword to retrieve. We’re going ta war wit’ Kurdled Milk, ‘an we’re gonna win!” The vermin gave a cheer, and Welfare turned to Daddykinz.
    “Ready the Long Patrol. We’re going to war,”
    Quote Originally Posted by Ferahgo the Assassin View Post
    Ice cream makes everything better. Even Big Brother.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stephen King
    Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people. The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.

  7. #22
    Patroller Abbot Peter's Avatar
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    haha! this is so fun!! its awesome!! i cant wait to see what happens at war!!

    *jumps excitedly up and down*
    Click Here!

    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
    -Martin Luther King Jr.



    6006L3 534RC|-|

    (>'_')> <<<<< Its Kirby!

  8. #23
    Patroller Mad Maudie McBurl's Avatar
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    It was wonderfull it it I don't know what to say. except more more more.
    "plucky!" "Hello Dashie, I've missed you." "Yeah I've missed you too."

    Animals of farthing wood the tv series.

  9. #24
    Patroller Fuzface's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone. I don't think the story will be too much longer. It will probably end soon...
    And then maybe I'll write a sequel to the Fox Recorder. Maybe. If I feel like it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ferahgo the Assassin View Post
    Ice cream makes everything better. Even Big Brother.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stephen King
    Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people. The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.

  10. #25
    Patroller Mad Maudie McBurl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzface View Post
    Thanks everyone. I don't think the story will be too much longer. It will probably end soon...
    And then maybe I'll write a sequel to the Fox Recorder. Maybe. If I feel like it.
    Well I sure hope you do.
    "plucky!" "Hello Dashie, I've missed you." "Yeah I've missed you too."

    Animals of farthing wood the tv series.

  11. #26
    Patroller Gorath the Flame's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzface View Post
    "I love you Daddykinz,” She heard sniffles, and the entire vermin camp burst into tears. ”
    Classic, does this part of the story mean wrath is your alternate to Sagax?
    Vermin Mishaps! may return, eventually...maybe.

  12. #27
    Patroller Fuzface's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gorath the Flame View Post
    Classic, does this part of the story mean wrath is your alternate to Sagax?
    Wow, I didn't even think of that. I really AM clever!
    Quote Originally Posted by Ferahgo the Assassin View Post
    Ice cream makes everything better. Even Big Brother.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stephen King
    Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people. The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.

  13. #28
    Patroller Fuzface's Avatar
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    The END!!!!

    So they began the long, long journey marching paw in paw along the shores. Later that day, it was reported in the Salamandastron Daily Times that an extremely large fish was sighted, with the travelers set on its back. Also, it was even rumored Scarer was to be heard yelling back; “And a good time was had by all.”
    The End

    Epilogue:
    Of course, they all made it safely back to the island of misery Welfare, Tiff, and Scarer all knew so well. Welfare located the sword she longed for so much, and promptly hacked Princess Kurdled Milk, Prince Brad, and all the slave drivers to pieces. The freed slaves, shocked at all this dramatic action, immediately began to worship Welblood Deathfare, Princess of Salamandastron, so she brought them all back to Salamandastron to be her eternal servants.
    Daddykinz approved of the idea.
    “Wait a minnet!” A dibbun hedgehog interrupted the narrator.
    “What’s th’ matter, Fuzface?” The ancient hedgehog who was telling the story glowered down at her.
    “I wanna REAL battle scene! I wanna ‘ear ‘bout death ‘n blood. I wanna ‘ear about the battle!” Fuzface pouted and crossed her arms.
    “It’s too violent for a dibbun like you,”
    “No it not! Wanna ‘ear ‘bout th’ battle! Won’ shuttup ‘till you tell me!” Fuzface promptly began to scream. The ancient hedgehog placed a paw over Fuzface’s mouth, but the dibbun sunk her teeth into it, drawing blood. The screaming continued.
    “Alright, alright! Good Gravy, yer jus’ like yer Gramma,”
    “You is my Gramma,” the dibbun was confused.
    “Exactly. You’ll grow up to be just like me,”
    “Don’ wanna be like you! Wanna be like Welblood Deathfare!” Fuzface growled, “An’ stop stallin’. Wanna ‘ear ‘bout the BATTLE!” She began to scream again.
    The old hedgehog continued with the narrative:
    They made it safely to the island of Misery and Woe. The fortress and beach were deserted for no apparently random reason.
    “Where be your vermin?” the Grungy asked, looking around the beach perplexedly.
    “It be Saint Patty’s Day,” explained Welfare, “Everybeast dies themselves green, an’ dances to Irish music on the top o’ the fortress,” the hedgehog pointed, and sure enough, bouncy Irish music was floating through the air, and the fortress seemed to be quivering as a thousand beasts danced up and down on the roof.
    The entire party entered the fortress without being noticed. Welfare knew the way to armory by heart- she could have walked it blindfolded. Well, not literally. It’s an expression, so shut up and stop whining about technicalities!
    The hedgehog spent hours looking in the rusty weapons until she found what she was looking for: the magnificent sword of Martin the Warrior. Her entire army stared, spellbound as she pulled the sword from the pile of weapons, and held it up, triumphantly. It shone brightly, even though they were on the bottom floor of the fortress, and the room had no windows. Music that was clearly stolen from the Zelda video games played in the background.
    Welblood Deathfare laughed giddily.
    “C’mon me boys, we got beasts to kill!” she shrieked, and pounded up the stairs to the roof. The vermin never knew what hit them. Welfare hacked wildly, barely paying attention to what she was doing. She though she saw Sludge miming: “Use the Force, Welfare,”
    After the initial surprise and shock, however, Kurdled Milk’s vermin managed to draw their weapons and hack back. Welfare and her gang were outnumbered. And it didn’t help that there was barely room to swing the sword. They were packed so tightly that all she could see was green fur and blood. There was a clash of metal as she blocked an axe blow with the Sword. It was Brad.
    “If you dent my sword, I’ll gut you! Oh wait, I was going to do that anyway!” With a quick swipe, she cut her adversary in half. The battle went on like this for hours, without any end in sight. Above the ruckus of clanging sword, screams of pain, and cheery Irish music, Welfare heard a terrified shout:
    “Help m-ouch!” The terrified cry for help was cut off by a scream of pain.
    “Tiff!” Welblood Deathfare dashed in the direction of the shout, hacking anybeast that got in her way.
    Kurdled Milk was holding Tiff by her tail.
    “You’re messing up my bows!” shrieked the squirrel, pounding Kurdled Milk with her fists. She somehow sunk her teeth into the white ferret’s neck, clawing furiously. Kurdled gave a shriek that would curdle milk and tumbled off the roof, taking Tiff with her. Welblood Deathfare didn’t have time to stare in shock, but set to work hacking the rest of the vermin. She fought as a beast taken over with the Bloodwrath.
    The vermin, having lost their leader, began to panic. They shrieked, babbled, and ran around in crazy circles. Welblood offered them the choice of surrender. They agreed, and began chanting in one voice:
    “All hail Welblood Deathfare! All hail Welblood Deathfare!” Welfare was pleased, but there was still a heck of a lot of work to be done.
    Weeks passed quickly, and finally, they were ready to return to Salamandastron. But not before Welfare set up a bright pink, sparkly, bow-covered monument to Tiff. The inscription read:
    Tiffany Tifton:
    Connoisseur of all things pretty and sparkly,
    Bloody Slayer of the fiend, Kurdled Milk
    Her bows no longer sparkle.

    Tiff would have hated it.

    Please direct comment to the "Fanfiction of Fuzface" thread.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ferahgo the Assassin View Post
    Ice cream makes everything better. Even Big Brother.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stephen King
    Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people. The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.

  14. #29
    Patroller Mama Hedgehog's Avatar
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    Bravo, Bravo!!! *applauds loudly*

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