I didn't continue this one. And for good reason. Read it yourself and find out. Also, can you guess who the following character described is? They’re from another fandom...a famous one.

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Tales of the Long Patrol
Chapter One: Laziness as an Intelligent Lifestyle

“Attention, troops!” General Whitefield’s voice rang out over the mass of new Long Patrol recruits. Heavy motley fur blended with lighter, almost snow-colored pelts. Almost all of them were chattering to one another, excited about their first day as a recruit. At the General’s voice they immediately went into a proper standing position, all except a small, brown hare in the back; He had fallen asleep.

Whitefield gave an approving look at the assembled hares, which faded quickly into a look of outrage as he spotted the unfortunate one. He strode quickly over. “Khasi Aranfoot! Attention, immediately!”

“Wha-“Khasi woke groggily and stared directly into the face of the General.

“I said, ATTENTION!” By now Whitefield was irate at the lack of respect this neophyte was giving him. Did he know who he was talking to?!

“Oh, okay,” responded Khasi, without much enthusiasm, and stood up lazily.

“Oh, okay, SIR!”

“Sir…” This was said in the same listless tone he had used all that afternoon.

Whitefield took a deep breath to calm himself. “Shoulders in, chest out, tail scut well tucked! You’ll need to start behaving more like a bally Long Patrol hare if you’re to survive, laddie!”

“Sure, okay,” replied Khasi. “It’s just that it’s so boring, trudging all day, without something to stimulate the brain and engage the mind...”

The surrounding hares stared at him. How could he be so naïve? They wondered. The biggest honor of all was to join the Long Patrol, and he was interested in puzzles and games? It was unthinkable. Some hares even gasped out loud.

“Alright then, Khasi Aranfoot! You’re in charge of the ol’ battle plan to defeat the Shadows- who, might I add, have more than a thousand vermin at their command. That’ll teach you to think you blinkin’ know more than your superiors do, wot!”

“Fine, fine…By the gates of Dark Forest, this is bothersome. I don’t even want to be here, but my dad made me come…”

“…”

“Look, I’ll give you a fool-proof battle plan by tonight, alright? Just stop bothering me.”

The General simply ignored him and continued on, lecturing the Patrol on the importance of obeying all who was above rank. He was, to say the least, a bit bewildered at the attitude of the brown furred hare. A very curious case, indeed.


As the shadows grew longer, so did the naps of Khasi. At exactly five p.m., he yawned and proceeded to (finally) do the task left to him in such a disagreeable manner. The hare snatched a willow stick from the leaf-covered ground rather lazily and drew several patterns in the dirt. Never mind the fact that he was walking.

“Okay. So, the Shadows are east of us, and also east of Redwall Abbey. We could use a pincer movement directly, but that probably won’t work, due to the fact that they have at least two times our forces. Unless we could fool them…Hmm. Fear should always be on the loser’s side, I say. So, we tell the hares there are only tenscore vermin, the rest was slaughtered by an unknown disease- they’ll believe that, some of ours have died from the illness too. Alright, so… We trample on the ground, making it sound like double our number. And just for good measure, pick some of theirs off beforehand, to set the fear in. Maybe we could also pretend to mercilessly kill one of our comrades in front of their very eyes… Dunno, the General might not like that.

We should also send a scout out to inform the Abbey of our coming. They could light torches and help with our attack by decoying them, and attacking them from the side, too. Then we could sweep down from the back, with a pincer movement, with several squirrels in the treetops for a spooky effect, and then burst out shouting bloodcurdling war cries while being painted with red- red like blood. This should be interesting…”

And with that, he fell back into slumber. Never mind he was walking.