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My Poem
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Thread: My Poem

  1. #1
    Patroller Abbot Peter's Avatar
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    My Poem

    Here's my poem. It's a poem about love. I wrote it when I was thinking of this girl i really like.

    I dont think I did my best on this poem. But the guys in my grade will probably laugh at me because I like poetry so I decided to share it with you LPF members.

    So here goes:

    You know you love someone
    when they're all that you think about.

    You want so badly to be with them.
    Somehow you seem like nothing to them
    no matter how hard you try

    You show them all that your worth
    and still no sign

    You'll do anything for them
    but you think
    your just wasting your time

    You hang your head low
    as you walk by them
    and you never know their actions
    until your beside them

    You pick up your head
    and look 'em in the eye
    and realize.........
    they're doing the same
    with their eyes


    That was my poem...

    How was it?
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    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
    -Martin Luther King Jr.



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  2. #2
    Patroller Folgrimeo's Avatar
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    Very nice, especially the last part (it's really that last line that makes it great). A minor nitpick is that your should be you're, though I feel bad for bringing that up since you probably put your soul into this. Hmm, reminds me of how I approach love.
    Faux Pas - It's wild and domesticated reading!

  3. #3
    Patroller Mad Maudie McBurl's Avatar
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    Oh wow, thats exacatally how I feel about this boy at church, I love them peom, I would like to see more of you work You should be a peot when your and adult.
    "plucky!" "Hello Dashie, I've missed you." "Yeah I've missed you too."

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  4. #4
    Patroller Abbot Peter's Avatar
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    Thank you both... I like poetry and will probably write some more.... Thanks for your compliments.


    Folgrimeo, dont worry about telling me about "your" and "you're"... its fine and thanks for pointing it out.
    Click Here!

    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
    -Martin Luther King Jr.



    6006L3 534RC|-|

    (>'_')> <<<<< Its Kirby!

  5. #5
    Patroller Fuzface's Avatar
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    Cute. Good poem. You obviously have some talent, and it will be interesting to read more. Keep up the good work, and learn to spell "you're".
    Quote Originally Posted by Ferahgo the Assassin View Post
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stephen King
    Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people. The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.

  6. #6
    Patroller Mokkan's Avatar
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    Good poem. I really love the last part. I'm sure we've all had a girl/boy we like and he/she doesn't even notice us.

  7. #7
    Patroller Abbot Peter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzface View Post
    Cute. Good poem. You obviously have some talent, and it will be interesting to read more. Keep up the good work, and learn to spell "you're".
    Thanks. People have said I've had talent... And ill try to spell "you're" right...

    Originall Posted by Mokkan
    Good poem. I really love the last part. I'm sure we've all had a girl/boy we like and he/she doesn't even notice us.
    Thanks. It seems like that last part is the part that people really like... Its a good thing I put it it.

    I agree about your last sentence. That's happened to me a few times. (Including now) And I'm pretty sure it happened at least once to others, too.
    Click Here!

    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
    -Martin Luther King Jr.



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    (>'_')> <<<<< Its Kirby!

  8. #8
    Patroller Petunia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abbot Peter View Post
    And ill try to spell "you're" right...
    That's good, but after that you could work on I'll.

    Poetry is a good thing to practice. Keep it up!
    "[Major Cuthbert] had a daughter named Petunia, a real beauty, quiet an' gentle. She was the flower of the Long Patrol. Many a young ranker lost his heart to her, I can tell ye."
    - Captain Raphael Granden from High Rhulain

  9. #9
    Patroller Abbot Peter's Avatar
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    *Waves Fist* Grrrrr, Petunia! Grrrrrrr!
    (^Just Kidding^)
    I'll (HA! spelt it right that time!) improve my spelling.

    I wrote other poems but I can't find them. Ill probably find them, though. 'Cause one of my friends told me I should keep them in this book. I misplaced the book but I'll (HA!) soon find it.
    Last edited by Abbot Peter; May 6th, 2008 at 09:36 PM.
    Click Here!

    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
    -Martin Luther King Jr.



    6006L3 534RC|-|

    (>'_')> <<<<< Its Kirby!

  10. #10
    Patroller Gorath the Flame's Avatar
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    Excellent job Abbot Peter, keep up the good work.
    Vermin Mishaps! may return, eventually...maybe.

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