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Thread: My Redwall Poem - "Of Redwall Abbey"

  1. #1
    Dibbun
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    My Redwall Poem - "Of Redwall Abbey"

    Deep in Mossflower Woods so green; Redwall Abbey stands, a monuement to behold, founded a warrior bold and an Abbess of a pure heart.

    Many a traveller come a-wandering by, niether bird no beas, just for a pleasure visit,with feasting,story-telling and merry-making; or a safe haven from evil conquerors bent on demination.

    Yes, where legends form,and where heroes are born, Redwall Abbey is truly a monuement to behold; if thou would to travel through Mossflower Woods, you'll be sure to visit Redwall Abbey; In summer,when their roses are in full bloom.

  2. #2
    Patroller Lord Thunderpaw's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bagira_GoldenPlume View Post
    Deep in Mossflower Woods so green; Redwall Abbey stands, a monuement to behold, founded a warrior bold and an Abbess of a pure heart.

    Many a traveller come a-wandering by, niether bird no beas, just for a pleasure visit,with feasting,story-telling and merry-making; or a safe haven from evil conquerors bent on demination.

    Yes, where legends form,and where heroes are born, Redwall Abbey is truly a monuement to behold; if thou would to travel through Mossflower Woods, you'll be sure to visit Redwall Abbey; In summer,when their roses are in full bloom.
    My opinion on the subject of your poem is it was pretty good, just work on your spelling a little bit more and the rhythm of it seemed to me a bit off. Anyways, keep making more poems.

  3. #3
    Dibbun
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Thunderpaw View Post
    My opinion on the subject of your poem is it was pretty good, just work on your spelling a little bit more and the rhythm of it seemed to me a bit off. Anyways, keep making more poems.
    I don't see any spelling mistakes, and what about the rythmn? 'am a bit rusty at poetry skills

  4. #4
    Patroller Lord Thunderpaw's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bagira_GoldenPlume View Post
    I don't see any spelling mistakes
    Your poem's errors are:

    1. "Monuement" spelled correctly is "monument". It is spelled incorrectly twice.

    2. "Niether spelled correctly is "neither".

    3. "Beas" spelled correctly is "bees".

    4. There should be a space after the following sentence fragment's two commas:

    "just for a pleasure visit,with feasting,story-telling".

    5. "Story-telling spelled correctly is "storytelling".

    6. "Traveller" should be spelled "traveler" (I know, I get confused sometimes, too ).

    7. The following sentence fragment's semi-colon should be changed to a comma:

    "and merry-making; or a safe haven"

    8. "Merry-making" spelled correctly is "merrymaking".

    9. "Demination" is not a word.

    10. There should be a space after the following sentence fragment's comma:

    "Yes, where legends form,and where heroes are born"

    11. The following sentence fragment's word, to is unnecessary:

    "if thou would to travel through Mossflower Woods"

    12. The following sentence fragment's word, "you'll" is unnecessary:

    "if thou would to travel through Mossflower Woods, you'll be sure to visit Redwall Abbey"

    13. The following sentence fragment's word, "In" should not be capitalized:

    "In summer,when their roses are in full bloom."

    14. The following sentence fragment's semi-colon is unnecessary:

    "you'll be sure to visit Redwall Abbey; In summer,when their roses are in full bloom."

    Sorry I if seem to overly criticize you, it is just that I want you to write great poems!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bagira_GoldenPlume View Post
    what about the rythmn? 'am a bit rusty at poetry skills
    I can't really explain the rythm. Maybe you should just leave it. I don't know.

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